Advice My Parents Gave Me
1. It’s just as easy to fall in love with a rich man as a poor man.
2. Don’t marry the first person you have sex with. Well, you can marry them, just make sure you have sex with other people first.
3. You can handle anything. You could stand on your head in the corner for a week if you had to.
4. Never drink alcohol with Coke. It’s low class. (I got that pearl of wisdom upon leaving for college.)
5. Every sandwich needs butter. Make sure to mash it up on the side of the cutting board first or it will tear the bread.
6. Be the first one to walk up to a new person and say hi. Everyone wants to but is afraid. They’ll be so grateful that you made the effort.
7. It’s better to have one really nice piece of clothing than lots of cheap clothes.
8. Always buy the more expensive option (see #7 above).
9. (And the corollary) If it’s on sale, there must be something wrong with it.
10. It’s harder to be the person left behind, than the person leaving. (We moved a lot. And I mean, a lot!)
11. At work, never say you’re sorry. It makes you look weak.
12. Keep your hair out of your face.
13. It’s better to be overdressed than underdressed.
14. If you look better than the bride, that’s her fault, not yours.
15. Unless there’s a ring on their finger, they’re fair game.
16. Put vinegar in your chili.
17. Everyone should have one affair. (Clarification: She meant while dating someone, not while married.)
18. Always say yes if someone asks you to dance. It takes a lot of courage to ask someone to dance.
19. Keep some sock money hidden away. (My mom always has extra cash in a sock in her drawer. She got her sock money by writing checks for as much cash back as allowed at the grocery store. Then she’d stash it in her sock, so my dad didn’t know about it. For their anniversary one year, she took him to Panama with her sock money!)
20. Don’t get your sandals stuck in the escalator.
21. Put Kitchen Bouquet in gravy. (Google it.)
22. Marry someone who loves you a little bit more than you love them. (Just…wow. I did not follow that advice, I’m happy to say!)
